


Dirty Little Secret

by jessluvsludes



Category: Prodigal Son (TV 2019)
Genre: Abortion, Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Fertility Issues, Pregnancy, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:28:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25010113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessluvsludes/pseuds/jessluvsludes
Summary: "Dirty little secrets always come out." -Olivia Pope
Relationships: Gil Arroyo & Malcolm Bright, Gil Arroyo/Jackie Arroyo, Gil Arroyo/Jessica Whitly, Jackie Arroyo & Jessica Whitly, Jackie Arroyo & Malcolm Bright, Malcolm Bright & Jessica Whitly
Comments: 6
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

c. 2000

Jessica curled contentedly into Gil’s side, her fingers tracing lazy patterns on his bare chest as the weight of sleep threatened to consume her. The slowing rise and fall of Gil’s chest told her that he, too, was close to dozing off. In recent months, this had become their weekday routine. Whenever Gil was off, he came over to Jessica’s for brunch, which inevitably led to passionate lovemaking, followed by tender cuddles as they dozed in each other’s arms. However, their naps were always relatively short because Gil needed to leave before the kids got home. Though Gil had quickly become a constant in all of their lives after Martin’s arrest two years ago, Jessica still worried it was too soon to tell the kids about their relationship, not wanting to jeopardize their fragile, recently established sense of normalcy, especially for Malcom.

Today, something or the other had brought Gil into the precinct in the early morning of his day off. He still managed to make it to Jessica’s, but he was much later than usual. Though Jessica was a bit (playfully) pouty at his tardiness, they still had a very pleasurable, albeit rushed, afternoon. As they cuddled on the verge of sleep, both knew that actually succumbing wasn’t an option because of the hour.

“Mmmm, Gil,” Jessica prodded lazily, “we have to get up.”

He sighed lightly. “I know,” he murmured into her hair before kissing the top of her head. “Five more minutes?”

“You know the kids will be home any minute,” she practically whined.

“I know, Jess, but would it really be so bad if they found out?”

She rolled over to face him, suddenly much more awake, her brow furrowing. “Maybe not. I don’t know. Just not today.”

“Okay, not today. But we need to talk, becau-“ His sentence was cut short by the sound of the front door opening. “Shit.”

“Told you!” Jessica quipped tightly as they both jumped out of the bed in search of their clothes.

They could hear Malcolm calling for his mother periodically as they rushed to dress, his voice becoming louder each time. A mostly clothed Gil threw a robe to a less clothed Jessica. “Get back in bed, Jess. We’ll pretend you’re sick, and that’s why I’m here,” he whispered rather loudly.

She nodded with wide eyes as she quickly donned the robe, pushing her remaining clothes under the bed. Gil buckled his belt and Jessica slid under the covers only a few seconds before Malcolm entered the bedroom.

“Gil!” Malcom exclaimed with delight.

A wide smile broke out over Gil’s face. “Hey kid!”

Malcolm’s brow quickly furrowed. “Wait, why are you here?”

Without missing a beat, Gil deployed their cover. “Your mom was feeling a little under the weather, so I wanted to come check on her.” A twinkle sprung up in Gil’s eye, “and I was hoping I might see you, too!”

Malcolm was still a bit incredulous, as his eyes darted back and forth between Gil and his mother, but he seemed to accept Gil’s answer. “Oh…okay. Are you alright mommy?”

“Yes, sweetie, I think I just have a little stomach bug. But I don’t want to keep you two from having your fun, so you go play, and Gil will join you in a minute.”

A smile began to spread on Malcolm’s face at the mention of spending time with Gil “Okay! Come meet me in my room, Gil!” He was already halfway out the door before Gil answered.

“Will do, kid!”

Jessica audibly breathed a sigh of relief once Malcolm was gone. “That was close,” she said with a chuckle.

Gil turned to her rather abruptly. “Yeah,” he agreed, but something in his voice was unreadable. He bent down to give Jessica a peck on the lips. “I’ll call you tonight?” His tone still seemed oddly serious as he moved toward the door.

“Sure,” she agreed, trying to keep her tone light.

He left the room with a small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Jessica sunk down into the pillows and sighed, trying to ignore her nervousness over the impending talk with Gil.

Later that night

It was going on 10pm when the phone finally rang, but it only rang once before a primed and ready Jessica snatched it off the hook, not wanting to risk waking the kids, especially Malcolm.

“Hello?” She answered formally even though she had little doubt as to who was on the other end of the line.

“Hey, Jess,” a weary-sounding Gil greeted her.

She chuckled, “Playing with Malcom wore you out that bad, huh?”

“Well, it is past my bedtime, but I didn’t want to-“

“You didn’t want to wake him.” She interrupted.

“Yeah.” Gil paused before lowering his voice to its baritone depths “but playing with Malcolm isn’t what wore me out.”

Jessica’s lips curled into a smile. “No?” she played along coyly.

“No. But his beautiful mother might have had something to do with it. Well, that and the fact that I missed out on my afternoon nap.”

“A true pity” Jessica replied, still coy.

“Oh, no pity here. I’m a very lucky man, even without sleep,” Gil declared, feigning a yawn.

“That you are,” she trailed off with a twinge of guilt. Why he felt lucky to be a part of her clusterfuck of a life was truly beyond her.

There were a few beats of silence.

“Jess?”

“Yeah?”

“I want to be able to tell people what a lucky man I am. To tell everyone.”

“I know…I just…I’m not ready yet.”

“You said that last time. When will you be ready?”

“I don’t…I…” Jessica falls silent for a few beats.

Gil’s voice is barely above a whisper. “Will you ever be ready?”

Jessica is too taken aback to answer. “Gil…”

His voice is matter of fact now. He knows all too well what her evasion means. “You’ll never be ready.”

“Gil, we’re just...” Her uncertain pauses feel centuries long. “The media attention would be even worse than it already is…And the optics are bad because it looks like a conflict of interest since you arrested Martin, and our social circles would just be a total mess, and…” There was suddenly a note of finality in her voice: “We’re just from different worlds.”

The line went silent again.

Finally, Gil responded, “I see.” His voice was slow and measured, forced to be devoid of emotion. “I was nothing more than your dirty little secret.”

Jessica was quick to respond “Gil, no, I-” but she quickly trailed off. Leaving them once again in unbearable silence.

“You have nothing to say because it’s true.”

Jessica couldn’t muster a response. She didn’t trust her voice.

In the same, measured tone, Gil continued after another painfully long pause. “I would still like to see Malcolm, if that is acceptable to you and your optical standards.”

Jessica was taken aback by the venom at the end of his statement, but she still replied in earnest “Yes, of course.”

Another pause. Then, with a definitive note of finality, “Goodbye, Jessica.”

Jessica remained on the couch, the receiver still pressed to her ear. It took her a good 10 seconds after the line went dead to have the wherewithal to put the phone down.

“It’s better this way.” She began to repeat to herself like a mantra. “The less involved he is with the mess that is you, the better off he’ll be.”

She finally poured herself MANY fingers of bourbon and downed it all in a few gulps. She sunk into the pillows, hoping the alcohol would take effect soon and give her a slight chance at falling asleep.

“It’s better this way.”


	2. Chapter 2

After a few weeks, life at the Whitly house fell into a new rhythm. Malcolm’s after school “dates” with Gil were an almost daily occurrence, and Ainsley even joined them on occasion when she managed to pester her brother into submission. Jessica’s personal assistant coordinated the children’s schedules with Gil, and Adolpho shuttled them back and forth. The children seemed happy with the arrangement. Jessica was too, or so she told herself. The distance at least made it a bit easier for her avoid thinking about Gil. The fact that her pill and alcohol habits had ratcheted up a notch? Well, that helped, too. Still, he had an uncanny knack for creeping into her consciousness, regardless of its state, during the ample time she spent alone in her cavernous home.

Gil was especially at the forefront of her consciousness one day after she sent the staff home early, while the children were still at school. This particular afternoon felt uncannyily reminiscent of the last one she had spent with Gil. As she laid alone in her bed, she smiled softly, despite herself, at the memory of him. As the scene playing in her mind progressed to Malcolm making his grand entrance, Jessica chuckled at the irony of the moment. Perhaps a tiny heap of her mountain of bad karma had caught up to her, because the stomach bug she had lied to Malcolm about was now actually brewing in her gut. 

Then again, she didn’t feel particularly well on the average day. She hadn’t since Martin’s arrest, really, and even more so since her “breakup” with Gil, if you could even call it that. Her anxiety, her guilt, and the habits she used to cope with the two were in a constant tug of war that kept her body and mind in a downward spiral, woefully far from any semblance of homeostasis. Perhaps that mess was more to blame for her upset stomach than a virus was. 

However, as her stomach interrupted her thoughts and sent her running to the bathroom to empty its contents yet again, she reconsidered the possibility of a stomach bug. She hoped it was a bug, because her alternative explanation likely meant feeling this way long term. She sighed once her stomach seemed a bit calmer, willing herself to climb off the bathroom floor and clean up. She stared at her reflection in the mirror. “With your luck, you WILL feel this shitty for the rest of your life,” she muttered defeatedly. 

A few weeks later

Much to Jessica’s chagrin, her more negative long-term outlook seemed to be manifesting in real time. Her nausea showed no signs of subsiding, and she became increasingly weary. She was even drinking less in desperate hope it would help a bit, but to no avail. She knew something else must be wrong, but between her fear of knowing and her apathy toward her own wellbeing, she couldn’t bring herself to find out what it was.

As she found herself once again kneeling in front of the toilet on a Monday morning, a sudden realization hit her like a ton of a bricks. Her period was late. Very late, in fact. However, she quickly chocked it up to the fact that her periods hadn’t been regular since Martin was arrested, given her stress levels, downward homeostasis spiral, and all. She was young yet for it to be due to menopause, or even perimenopause, but she also doubted that her life would ever again be un-hellish enough for her hormone levels to right themselves before menopause ran its course. Though, at this particular moment, she found herself wishing she actually was menopausal, instead of…whatever this might be. 

She finally left the bathroom and trudged back to her bed, trying her best to ignore her racing mind. She laid staring at the ceiling for she didn’t know how long before she decided to distract herself by doing her hair and makeup and putting on decent clothing.

When she did finally make her way downstairs, she found her personal assistant waiting rather awkwardly at the dining room table. 

“Good morning Jennifer,” she greeted the eager young woman. “Thank you for not disturbing me this morning. You’re learning.”

“Yes m-“

“I need you to go to a drugstore, any outside of this neighborhood will do, and buy one of every type of pregnancy test they have. And every minute while you’re out, you will remind yourself of the nondisclosure agreement on which your entire career depends. Do you understand?”

“Yes.” Jennifer answered, almost too quickly, as she tried unsuccessfully to tamp down the look of shock crossing her face.

Jessica nodded curtly. “Good. I’ve just paged Adolpho to bring the car around. You will bring the items up to my bedroom when you return.” She promptly walked out of the room before Jennifer had a chance to reply.

Jennifer’s knock at the bedroom door came relatively quickly, or so it seemed to Jessica. She couldn’t really be sure, though, because time began to escape her the moment she reassumed her lying-in-bed-staring-at-the-ceiling posture. Jennifer knocked so tentatively that it almost made Jessica laugh out loud. “One moment,” she called out with as much composure as she could muster. She quickly smoothed her hair down before swinging the bedroom door open abruptly and snatching the brown bag out of Jennifer’s hand. Jessica shot out a quick “That will be all for today,” before slamming the door in the girl’s face.

Jessica dropped the bag on the ground on her way back to bed. She once again laid staring at the ceiling. 

When Jessica awoke, the afternoon sun was streaming in through the window. It only took her a second to remember why she was lying on her made up bed fully dressed in the middle of the day. She glanced at the clock and realized the children would be home from school soon. She laughed bitterly at the idea of Malcolm catching her doing this, too. Fortunately, the image was enough to motivate her to get up and get it over with. 

As she picked up and opened the bag of pregnancy tests, she was pleasantly surprised to find six different kinds. Jennifer must have gone to more than one drugstore. Perhaps the girl would last longer than her previous assistant after all. 

Jessica made her way to the bathroom to begin the nerve-wracking process. As she opened all six tests, she felt an overwhelming pang of sadness in her chest at the memory of the vastly different emotions she had experienced the last time she did this. She only felt worse upon realizing that, had she known the truth about Martin, her feelings then would have been much more similar to her feelings now. Even that thought made her feel guilty. Of course she didn’t regret her children. She loved them immensely and quite literally didn’t know what she would do without them. She only regretted their father. And the pain he had caused them. 

She took only a moment to reflect on her bitterness before snapping out of her trance to drop her pants and get to work. As she peed on each successive test, she grew increasingly smug at how in shape her Kegel muscles were after two kids....or maybe even thre- she forced her brain to stop before completing the thought. 

After she finished up in the bathroom, she glanced at the clock. 2:22. Ten minutes to go. She was tempted to try and fall back asleep, but she knew that her avoidance had already gone on too long, and that it was ultimately pointless. 

The next ten minutes felt like 10 hours. Jessica tried to busy herself with tidying up her room. Unfortunately, very little was out of place, thanks to her scrupulous maid.

When the clock FINALLY read 2:32, she slowly re-entered the bathroom, filled with trepidation. On the counter, she had already laid out each manual beside its matching test, so reading the tests should be “easy.” But there was nothing easy about the immediate tightness in her chest when she saw the first positive test. It only grew worse when she saw the second. And the third. With each positive, it grew harder to breathe. After the sixth one, she slid to the floor, her back against the wall as she struggled to keep the anxiety attack from completely overwhelming her.


End file.
